Family and society's image and belief in its purity or innocence, is the biggest wall a victim faces.
We have all bought into the belief that ALL families are safe harbors, all families are love energies...all families have our best interest at heart. That family is the opposite of our enemy.
Family on its own merit is beyond reproach.
It is like any thought you would entertain that would put a smear upon family has to be lie. That only the clinically insane would oppose Family.
I have been in conversations where someone will share "There is nothing more important than Family."
Family has become this godlike group that surpasses all judgment. It is an island to be protected at all costs.
It has a reverance it doesn't have to work at to receive the highest praise. Just because it's family....it remains untouchable and beyond reason and doubt.
The energy and life-blood of Family, makes any victim willing to demean it...insane.
How dare you....who do you think YOU are to take down this icon?
Are you insane?
It isn't an individual; but the collective beliefs in its potential and in its true meaning, NOT in the actual family itself...that we are up against.
It isn't the pedophile father that we are attacking, but the dream and hopes of father/dad.
It isn't the mother in denial, but the ideal and potential of a protective mother.
It is the potential and belief that there is far more there than meets the eye...that they are unwilling to give up.
For, if you sat down in the middle of just who each person is, what has been your experience with them...what kind of relationship it is and how hard you have to work to keep it or how feeble it truly is....there would be nothing to revere.
Perhaps the greatest fear IS the knowing there is nothing there....
What so many feel I have lost is family in its highest power.
That I lost a loving kind protective father. I did not. I lost the image and illusion of one.
And so it goes for all I lost.
What was perhaps the hardest thing to own, was the absence of what I thought I had. It is to hold on tightly to a diamond that is really just a stone.
I know so many victims who are powerless and inert, unable to go against the family in their minds. Victims who are out of control, stuck in depression and battling addictions ALL to hold Family in high esteem.
They themselves are willing to die to let family live as love...while it swirls with abuse.
Victims refusing to see family in its actual content are sentencing themselves to a lifetime of pain...or ways in which they keep pain at bay.
They too believe, "Nothing matters more than family"....not their life, their happiness, their peace, their love, their self. Nothing gets ahead of family.
Believing this...they will never see the source of their pain.
This sentiment has to change in order for us to get a grip on sexual abuse/incest.
Family cannot be sacred unless and until its members are.
All that forgiveness of sins does is paint a pretty cloud above the original family....and it is this cloud they believe in....not the filth that lies beneath.
I guess what terrifies most is the fear that the cloud will disappear and all the truth will lay there in the bright lights of reality.
That is what I saw.
Family without its protective cover...of denial.