I listened to Arun Gandhi speak last night...he is the grandson of Gandhi. His message is to plant seeds of peace, to be peace in action...to eliminate passive violence, which feeds active violence.
He spoke of how we are controlled by fear instead of being inspired by peace.
How parents use violence to gain control of their children by threats of punishment.
It was interesting to see how change needs to come about, how it will not be to make others more peaceful, but to be peace in action. "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Easier to want others to change, much harder to actually walk that change.
Walking the change of parenting from fear based to what he calls Penitence raising.
I had to look up the definition of Penitence.
"the action of feeling or showing sorrow and regret for having done wrong; repentance."
When Arun did something wrong, his parents looked at what they were doing wrong and then would fast for a few days trying to figure out where they could do better...while feeding their children. Their behavior was creating problems in their children.
His father, after catching him in a lie, walked home 18 miles trying to figure out why his son couldn't speak his truth to him. He didn't punish his son for lying, but rather tried to understand what it was that his son couldn't speak his truth to him, no matter what his truth was.
We parent completely backwards.
He said with penitence you will have a much deeper relationship between child and parent.
I can see the difference between responsible penitence parenting...compared to punishing children for doing wrong...or controlling based on them being afraid of you.
It truly is much harder to be a responsible parent...than one controlling with fear. Take fear off the table and you will be amazed at how responsible you become and how it feels to not control...but face the responsibility to model peace and being responsible for self.
It is not a peaceful home if it is controlled into stillness out of fear...
Peace is to be responsible for you. If you really sit with his message you will see yourself and where you are not at peace, but controlling with fear.
Peace begins with teaching our children by penitence...
Thanks Arun, the seeds have been planted.