Even though I experienced it, I wasn't able to see it. It isn't until you see it in others that you sometimes get a clearer view. I saw it in my art and of myself. But, what I had not truly gotten, was how abuse is an energy stealer...how self worth and value are reduced to zero.
What happens is that when someone can reduce your worth, we then are left with the belief, that it will also take someone to increase our worth.
Our self worth isn't an inside job, but it relies upon others to raise or lower us.
Like our gauge exists outside of us.
In believing this, we live a co-dependent life.
What I also have seen recently, is how someone with no self value can suck good energy from another.
I somehow believed that those with high value held the upper hand.
A person who is unable to feel good and confident and live a life under their own power, will capture and entice the powerful to be their shield. And, when this happens, the shield leaves their life and lives for the other person. Believing, even subconsciously that this is a good thing.
Not realizing that while they are using their life to 'help' another, they are actually keeping two lives on pause.
In a dysfunctional relationship, it is believed that 'the other person' carries their self worth. It takes two people to feel your worth. It is impossible to see yourself without their eyes and attention. This alone screams co-dependency.
What I have discovered is that I alone carry my self worth. My value is what I give me.
All the choices I make or do not make will add or subtract to my own value.
I no longer will allow another to feed off of me for their value. For, I know this is a temporary fix, and an actual wall that prevents the other person from feeling their own power.
I no longer am interested in relationships that are conjoined.
When I discovered my own power, it allowed me to let others find theirs. I am not willing to stand between them and their own sense of self. What matters most in life is how you feel about you.
Imagine a world with humanity filled with self worth.
It is my belief, that those of us with a higher sense of self worth, show others how to do this. How we must refuse to be their 'higher power'.
Instead we can encourage them to stand alone.
To try new things.
To ask for space in co-dependent relationships.
To honor their truths.
To reach new heights and experience new things.
Be the role model...by freely being you.
Standing alone, detached with a healthy sense of self...and your worth.
I had fallen into a pattern, that I needed others to need me. Feeling that this made me worthy, the more I was needed. Instead it kept me out of my own life....and I was an enabler of low self-esteem.